This, everything that's been happening lately, has been the very. best of my life. The head-heart connections that I'm having keep showing me that which stretches me is so very important and that if I'm still enough to look at what is unfolding right in front of me, I will see that I am being held through it all. I will see that I'm safe.
God, I haven't felt this level of peace since I was a little girl! I've made the head-heart connection around the simple truth that I can step into my own life again and just be me... without a filter! Without censorship! Without shrinking! Without being afraid that I will take a "wrong" turn, whatever the hell that even means. I haven't been asked to do it perfectly the first time around like I've subconsciously anchored myself to for the past two decades. That false expectation paralyzed me because there is no way in the world that I could ever know how I am meant to get from A to Z without giving myself the permission to travel there first. I knew that, right? I knew that perfection didn't have a place in my world anymore going into this new year. I knew what I wanted my life to look like but I didn't have the heart connection to accompany that knowledge. I feel that now.
You know what it was? It's that the risk of vulnerability, to me, was always like throwing a party that no one showed up to. But you know what I learned today!? That it'll always be like that if I continue to approach my life that way! If I never even throw the damn party, I will only ever realize the end that I'm most afraid of, which is going the rest of my life without truly connecting with people. People have so much greatness within them! So much greatness. I want to be apart of that. I want to see that. To support that. To help someone realize that within themselves and then to stand next to them and watch them turn the world upside down in whatever way that looks like for them. I want to love people, like deeply love people.
No, not perfection. It was never about doing it right. It was about rising up to something bigger than myself. It was about finding something deeper within myself and aligning with that instead. My soul has wanted to be apart of something authentic and worthy of my life ever since I can remember. Something I found to be beautiful and sacred and holy. And now I've found that!! With every fiber of my being, I know now what I am supposed to be doing with my life. And guess what I'm being asked to do? To fucking show up. In order for me to do any of this, I need to be me. Me just as I am. Me in progress. Me without walls. Me without shrinking. Mother fucking me.